Thursday, February 17, 2011

My Middle Class Problems

Because I can no longer afford to study a second degree,
And I won’t host a party without an erected marquee,
Because I refuse to drink Tetley’s; only nettle and green tea,
And my cupboards are stocked with chickpeas and Tahini,
I think I might have middle class problems.

Because I cried when I misplaced my favourite lip gloss,
And injured my elbow participating in lacrosse,
Because I won’t try out a festival for fear of serve hearing loss,
And took out a loan so I could become my own boss,
I honestly think I have middle class problems.

Because I refuse to buy furniture off Gum Tree,
And enjoy a decent episode of ‘Come Dine with Me’,
Because I moaned when Word didn’t recognise ‘Halloumi’,
And was “forced” to sell when the investment property plunged into negative equity,
I’m almost certain I have middle class problems.

Because after an excellent meal I enjoy a small portion of sorbet,
And consider a snack to be crackers topped with fromage frais,
Because I disliked the Ugg’s boyfriend brought me for Valentine’s Day,
And I’m keen on trips to the theatre and a first-rate ballet,
I absolutely have middle class problems.


A homage to:
Leanne Moden
'Middle Class Problems'


  1. I am pleased with this. Although next time you are inspired by one of my poems, try not to make it better than the original, eh?
    Seriously though, I thought your rhyme and metre are very tight, it's very readable - perhaps you should get involved in the spoken word scene?
    Leanne -x-

  2. What lies are these?! This really isn't as good as your poem. (Thank you for saying so, though).

    And I'm not sure I have the balls to stand up and read anything.

  3. I genuinely think it's very well-developed. I was listening to a programme the other night on the radio where Andrew Motion was saying that 'Found poetry' - when you build on a line or phrase that has already been constructed - can result in really interesting work. I think he certainly had a point in this case. :)