Because I can no longer afford to study a second degree,
And I won’t host a party without an erected marquee,
Because I refuse to drink Tetley’s; only nettle and green tea,
And my cupboards are stocked with chickpeas and Tahini,
I think I might have middle class problems.
Because I cried when I misplaced my favourite lip gloss,
And injured my elbow participating in lacrosse,
Because I won’t try out a festival for fear of serve hearing loss,
And took out a loan so I could become my own boss,
I honestly think I have middle class problems.
Because I refuse to buy furniture off Gum Tree,
And enjoy a decent episode of ‘Come Dine with Me’,
Because I moaned when Word didn’t recognise ‘Halloumi’,
And was “forced” to sell when the investment property plunged into negative equity,
I’m almost certain I have middle class problems.
Because after an excellent meal I enjoy a small portion of sorbet,
And consider a snack to be crackers topped with fromage frais,
Because I disliked the Ugg’s boyfriend brought me for Valentine’s Day,
And I’m keen on trips to the theatre and a first-rate ballet,
I absolutely have middle class problems.
A homage to:
'Middle Class Problems'